Chris (conjurdude) wrote,

  • Mood:

warning. major rant ahead.

Ok. here's my rules for religion.

1. You can believe in whatever the hell god, goddess, demon, or whatever you want to, but you have NO right to inflict your world view on me or anyone else.

2. Your world view automatically becomes invalid and open to beration from me or others if it gives consent, tacitly or implicitly, to any behavior that allows the marginalization of any person. Doubly so if it allows you enough wiggle room to actually kill someone and get rewarded for it by your deity.

3. "Holy" books are written by humans, and as such are utterly falliable. If you are going to take a verse out of context to justify your beliefs, rational or irrational, I am allowed to cite any other verse out of context to refute them. Furthermore, taking literally any passage from a book that's been written and translated by thousands upon thousands of different people (again, all falliable) with their own agendas is grounds for a major ass whupping from me.

4. Your right to swing your big club of religious righteousness ends at my nose. You can be whatever the hell kind of person you want to be as long as it doesn't interfere with any other person's inalienable rights, which for the purposes of this argument shall be defined in Constitutional terms; the rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. This means I have the right to wed a willing partner of any gender, the right to the same benefits as are provided a civil union of two heterosexual people, and the right to expect privacy without worrying about your superstitious self meddling in business that does not concern you.

5. Your man or woman in the sky has no bearing on how I live my life, and as such, I am not answerable to said deity for any of my decisions on how to treat my body. If I am a woman, I have the right to an abortion should I so choose, with no interference from you or your minions. If I am gay, I have the right to access any orifice of my willing partner without worrying about your perverted self spying on me and running off to cry about the end of the world drawing nigh.

6. Whatever your belief, rest assured it has no bearing on the secular government of this nation. Consult the Treaty signed with the pirates of the Barbary Coast, as well as the definition of "deist," which is the category most founders of the American nation fell into (at least, those that weren't out and out atheists). Your sky god does not speak for the United States, does not bless the United States above all other nations, and your slouching, lurching steps towards the installation of a theocracy in the United States are neither appreciated nor wanted. Again, see Rule #1.

7. The separation of church and state is NOT a liberal myth. Deal with it, stop whining, and grow the fuck up. Rule #1 is hereby invoked again.

8. With very few exceptions, your religion is not remotely original, unless you're one of the few remaining Zoroastrians. Are you monotheistic? Is your god of choice named Allah, Yahweh, Jehovah, or the oh-so-original God? Congratulations! You've just ripped off the Zoroastrians. They were the first monotheistic religion, arising several thousand years before Judaism, Christianity, or Islam.

8a. Yes, the world did in fact exist several thousand years before Judaism, Christianity, or Islam. Bishop Usher's calculations were off by a great many orders of magnitude. See Human Falliability, Rule #3.

9. When in doubt, ignore the bits where your deity of choice tells you to be mean, deride, injure, maim, or kill other people who do not share your world view. Most other parts where said deity tells you to be nice to one another are quite frequently skipped over in your unseemly haste to insert your nose where it's not wanted and commence your judgement of everyone and everything. The big three monotheistic religions boil down to one central tenet, first produced in the annals of Judaism; "That which is hateful to you, do not do unto others." Or, to put it bluntly for all you moronic right-wing nutballs out there, "Don't be a fucking hypocrite and dish shit out but refuse to take it when its hurled back at you."

10. No one with have an ounce of functioning gray matter in their craniums trusts anyone who says they're working at the direct behest of a god, any god. We usually manage to find people who say they hear voices and put them in safe rooms with padded walls before they hurt anyone. Do not expect to be taken seriously if you do shit that hurts other people, makes them feel marginalized, or generally pisses them off, and then get indignant when asked to stop. Do not expect your deity of choice to bail you out of dumb decisions you made all on your own.

Once again, you can believe what ever you want, but you cannot expect, nor should you try to force, other people to go along with you in whatever beliefs you've got from a book that's long been considered mythology by those with a bit more critical thinking abilities than you. You may call it spreading the good word, proselytizing, or trying to convert the unwashed heathens, but I call it annoying, and attempted theological rape.

Thank you and good day.

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