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conjurdude


El chupacabra tomó mis pantalones

el Jesús grande de la mantequilla


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ugh...
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conjurdude
Ok, since Ren gets to rant, i get to rant.

Why am I condemned to be so burdened with scruples and moral issues that they seem to prevent me from dating?

Take my roommate for example. He's met this girl Megan (who is 4 years his senior, by the way) and he's been out on 1.5 dates with her (I count an excursion to the bar as half a date) and he's already making out with her. I personally think that's moving waaaaay the fuck too fast. I think ok, 3 dates, you are permitted to kiss her on the cheek. Maybe after 5 or 6 dates, you give her a peck on the lips. After 10 or so, you can progress to more passionate kissing. After that, you move at a rate that indicates a respect and love for her. You don't go around snogging after a date and a half.

By today's standards, that seems positively Victorian (with the exception that you don't have to sit in a drawing room chatting all genteel like while the girl's mother watches you like a hawk for weeks before deciding that she doesn't like you).

But on the other hand, I desperately want to get laid. Strange dichotomy, no?

So, here I sit, wondering why Dan (my roommate) gets to have playtime with a girl he really hardly knows, while I, the perfect gentleman, get to sit here, alone, wondering what the hell is wrong with me, or our society, that you get weird looks if you try to act the way Mother told you to act.

Every single person I talk to about this either tells me to grow a pair of balls and just go for it, or hands me some cliche line about just being patient, and a wonderful girl who respects and admires your morals will come along and you two will live happily ever after.

I think I've been exceedingly patient, all things considered, and I'm beginning to become very dismayed and depressed.

When is it my turn? When do I get to be happy?

Dan tells me I should hook up with our mutual friend Cheryl. I can't see myself doing that for pretty much the same reason Ren and I decided to break up...we're friends first and foremost, and we value that friendship too much to do anything that might fuck it up. Cheryl is a sweetie, and I'd feel like such a total creep if I started trying to put my awkward set of cheap moves on her. (wait a minute, I don't have moves, cheap or otherwise...I've had no way to acquire them!)

So, where do I go from here?

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Get some moves, man! And didn't someone once say that your perfect mate is also your best friend? Even if it doesn't work out, as long as you're open and honest with each other, you've got that friendship to fall back on...

Don't ask me, yo. I'm just Ren. :p

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