The aforementioned — not to mention the beforementioned — shall not be subject to any punishment for this crime, including a small fine, a medium fine or waterboarding. Well, maybe a little bit of waterboarding, but just for fun, ya know? Heh heh.
Being The Decider in Chief, I have hereby used my Decidering powers to declare that Chris Weigert is a faithful devotee of liberal, amoral atheism and is, as such, a technically decent but godless citizen of this great nation. To punish this person would set a dangerous precedent for many of my associates.
In witness whereof, I have hereunto set my hand today, on January 16, in the year of our Lord 2009 — which I totally cannot believe is actually here, and I still haven't gotten my hovercraft — and of the Independence of the United States of America.
George W. Bush
Get your own Presidential Pardon