Here's the deal. When you write to me, IM me, whathaveyou, all it makes
me feel is annoyed these days. I asked you to be careful in how you use
my IM account. What I was trying to say is, I don't want to hear about
it anymore. Not for a long time. I did not want you to IM me for
several months, possibly years. All I feel when you write to me is bad,
and that leads to me taking everything you say in the worst possible way.
I don't *want* to like you anymore, Chris, I didn't when we broke up,
and I certainly don't now. And that's hard for me to accept, probably
harder for you, but that's what's come of all of this.
The lesson you learned the hard way is something I'd been trying to teach
you the easy way for ages. I broke up with you because I found out you
hadn't been seeing a therapist at home. I thought all along that you had
been. I'm glad you have a therapist who believes you. It's a pity you
had to lose so many friends here in Chicago before you could get to that
point. Me included.
I feel that you've treated me inadequately, Chris. And all you do is
bring me down, every time I talk to you these days. I can't afford that
in my life, I can't afford someone who's going to be constantly depressed
and then ignore my advice when I talk to him, someone who wants me to be
friends with him but is dragging me kicking and screaming into the
friendship. I used you to have someone to watch over Katrina when I
should have just cut myself off from you like I said I would. And I'm
sorry for that. And you can be mad and defame me all you like in your
LJ, but in the end, I'm just doing what I should have done a long time
Go back and read our LJ logs when you get your stuff back. I'd be
interested to see the number of times you wrote to me about being angry
with Dan, and then went back and started taking that shit again. We went
through you being depressed and feeling inadequate at least once a week.
But it took Dan throwing you out for you to even start to face up to the
facts, and only then because you had no choice in the matter. And I'd
reckon that if Dan were to take you back as a friend, you'd stop caring
diddly-squat what I thought of you.
Yes, it's "my loss." And you're doing really well at practicing some
teenage indifference. Keep it up. This is the last you'll hear from me.
If you'd continued to try and be my friend, then I might have tried to
get over my distrust of you. Since you decided to insult me instead,
that's it. It's over. If you would like to visit with Katrina, we can
arrange times for you to stop in when I've got other guests over, so that
you're not alone with me and I can leave the room. Goodbye.
I'm not going to bother offering a rebuttal, because I think it'd be like wrestling a pig, to use a Mark Twain simile. I'll end up getting dirty, and the pig'll have all the fun. This is not to say I'm calling roolet a pig. Pigheaded, maybe, but not a pig. She doesn't want to care about me anymore, fine. I'm sure in some small part I'll still give a shit about her, but I've had it with being manipulated. Too many people seem to think they can, and not only because they are allowed to , but because they seem to feel they have an obligation and a right to. Well, now I stop quietly absorbing that abuse and start putting a stop to it.