Chris (conjurdude) wrote,

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ok, here's the 411

I am not angry with Dan, Lisa, Kay, or Cheryl. To be angry at them would be a way of shifting the blame in the situation. As I strongly advocate people taking responsibility for their actions, I do so here. What I did in my little ouburst of violence was my decision. Granted, a very poor one, but mine nonetheless. Yes, there were events and things said that precipitated my little rage-fest, but in the end, the actions were solely mine.

Naturally, this means I view myself as the victime, right? Not at all. To proclaim that I'm being victimized is to take away whatever dignity I have left. I abhor the "victim mentality" that has swept the nation in the past few decades, in much the same way I abhor the media slants and the litigation-happy lawyers that advocate stepping into that role.

Dignity and personal responsibility seem foreign concepts in this era of awarding large cash prizes to those who are videotaped getting hit in the crotch with a baseball, or who scald themselves with coffee while adjusting their radio, refastening their seat belts, cradling their cell phones, and merging into traffic simultaneously. I refuse to encourage stupidity or greed among the masses any more than it has already been encouraged, and as I can't change everyone immediately, or at least wake them up to the shallowness and worthlessness of the cultural flock they've bought into, I can conduct myself with a modicum of dignity and responsibility.

Yes, I did act foolishly and rashly. Yes, I regret what I've done. Yes, I would undo it if I could. At the same time, yes, I do feel that I've been treated unfairly (at least in proportion to what was done rather than what might have been done). Yes, I do feel that I've had an insufficient chance to palaver with those who I've wronged and attempt to repair the damage I've done. At least with the latter of those two, I'll have a chance to discuss (with a go-between) what's happened next week Friday.

Dan has said he doesn't know if he can speak to me again. I understand why he feels that way, even if I don't agree that it's a necessary decision to make. I plan to be around if he should decide not to follow through on that (instinct? advice? emotion?). I guess we'll see what will happen next week.

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