Chris (conjurdude) wrote,

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Your Name Here

Literal meaning
"A deflating sound made through pursed lips by the weary and despairing."

Illegal before being given amnesty in a rush, the name Christian was originally used exclusively to refer to those who worked in the hills building things out of hills, before being purchased for the Nation at Sotheby's.

Famous Christians
1. Christian Oaf, BA ("The Pale"), once saved by the world's seventh highest-rated episode of Mr Pastry; ghost-writer of Reg Parfitt's disgraceful autobiography, TOOT-A-TWANG-TWANG; first holder of the office of Hot Diggity;
2. Christian Y Tinkermouse-Sprewt ("The Terrible"), fascinated to death by paroxysms of fright; ghost-writer of Richard Stilgoe's shatteringly political autobiography, I'M FEELING QUEASY, GEOFFREY;
3. Christian Dindymene, BA, director of the new Bond movie, KILL ME FOR DINNER; ghost-writer of Oscar Wilde's neighbour, Tom's bestselling autobiography, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHO I AM, HAVE YOU?;
4. Christian Millington-Oily, who could never shake an early association with the quick-burning funeral boat; ghost-writer of Joyce Grenfell's leatherwear catalogue and autobiography, IS THAT ME? NO, THIS IS ME;
5. Christian Trabmaw, co-writer of INDIANA JONES AND THE MECHANICAL PONTIFF;
6. I Am Christian O'Staplegun-Mapduster ("The Nervous"), channeller under supernatural influences of a nice cup of tea; ghost-writer of Lindsay Anderson's litany of crimes autobiography, SOMEBODY PUNCH MY FACE - I MUST BE DREAMING;
7. Christian U Tidecatcher, MSc, opponent of the world's most attractive bucket; first holder of the office of King's Bath Taster;
8. Christian Tightbadger, BA, early user of mottled glass;
9. Christian S'Ess ("The Mighty"), first victim of a popular music band made entirely of soap;
10. Christian H Ach, reputedly trapped for twenty-two days under a fallen monument to the self-aware cartoon strip; first holder of the office of Police-constable.

Typical Christian motto
"I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that."

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